Pain feels better when there’s something you can blame it on. This is the case for all sorts of ailments, but it’s especially true for break-ups.
Indeed, it’s often easier to process a break-up when there’s a master villain behind it. Someone you can project all of your misery and suffering onto.
“I feel like it would have been easier if one of us had cheated,” admits Sarah*, 27. She recently broke up with a partner of four years after communication difficulties caused them to drift apart.
For Sarah, it was more that she didn’t want to go on, rather than actively needing an end. This distinction can make it difficult to get over the finish line.
Daria, 24, went through an amicable break-up when her visa was expiring. “A good break-up leaves you with endless scenarios in your head of what could have been because there’s nothing to cancel out the good memories,” she says.
If you’re going through a no-fault break-up, Laila Hamade, a registered couples counsellor, suggests getting all your feelings out on paper. Decide on boundaries—deciding if and how you’re going to keep in touch.
While no-fault break-ups are their own special brand of painful, it’s worth remembering that it’ll probably serve you best in the long term.
Indeed, it’s often easier to process a break-up when there’s a master villain behind it. Someone you can project all of your misery and suffering onto.
The Healthy Heartbreak
“I feel like it would have been easier if one of us had cheated,” admits Sarah*, 27. She recently broke up with a partner of four years after communication difficulties caused them to drift apart.
For Sarah, it was more that she didn’t want to go on, rather than actively needing an end. This distinction can make it difficult to get over the finish line.
No Bad Narrative
Daria, 24, went through an amicable break-up when her visa was expiring. “A good break-up leaves you with endless scenarios in your head of what could have been because there’s nothing to cancel out the good memories,” she says.
Moving Forward
If you’re going through a no-fault break-up, Laila Hamade, a registered couples counsellor, suggests getting all your feelings out on paper. Decide on boundaries—deciding if and how you’re going to keep in touch.
While no-fault break-ups are their own special brand of painful, it’s worth remembering that it’ll probably serve you best in the long term.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why are amicable break-ups so difficult?
Without a clear villain or betrayal, it can be harder to justify the ending and move on from the 'good' memories.
How can I move on from a no-fault break-up?
Experts suggest writing down your feelings, setting clear boundaries, and allowing yourself time to grieve the relationship's future.